Gary Irvine lives in a small town in Scotland, works in a nondescript company, is married to Pauline who refuses to give him the children he wants, has a no-good gaolbird for a brother and a dream of playing good golf, despite being terrible at it.  Gary gets hit on the head with a golf ball, and the damage to his brain causes Tourette’s syndrome and Kluver Boosey syndrome (go check Wilipedia if you are really THAT curious, I wouldn’t recommend it), in addition to a perfect swing, which makes it impossible for him to miss a hole. Pauline leaves Gary for a richer carpet seller, with dreams of owning a credit card, a large house and a Mercedes.  Pauline’s lover hires Gary’s brother to kill his wife, so that he could marry Pauline without losing money in divorce, because Pauline wants the money to buy a large house. Gary’s brother bungles the job, Gary becomes a sensation in Golf, and Pauline returns to him seeing that Gary is in the verge of winning the championship that involves a lot of money. Carpet dealier’s wife hires assasin to kill her husband, Gary’s brother turns over a new leaf. In the last round of golf, Gary is cured of his Tourette, Kluver Boosey and perfect swing syndromes, becomes normal, ends up being third in the championship, rejects Pauline, hitches up with a sports reporter, Pauline files for bankruptcy, and all live happily ever after.

Now that you know the story, go read something else.  Unless you are a juvennile adolescent, whose sole entertainment is naval gazing and making armpit music, and you need your daily fix of expletives to live - even so, you could die of an overdose.  Gary Irving has the excuse of Tourette.  The rest are foul mouthed because the author for some reason chose to go overboard.

I have been cured of the habit of picking up a book in the library without reading at least one chapter right there.

*

Book: The Amateurs

Author: John Niven

Year of Publication: 2009

Buy at amazon.com